My Worst Post So Far

A few days ago I wrote the ugliest post ever. I deleted it. It was bitter and nasty and mean. I sounded like a judgmental, envious whore. You see, because of much pestering, I reactivated my stupid facebook. One of my “friends” on there posts pictures almost every day of her beautiful house or the beautiful scenery surrounding it. She’s my friend, so I should be happy that she’s happy. Right?

Instead, I was bitter. Bitter that I’ve tried to be responsible and independent and do things the “right” way yet I’m broke and living in my parents’ basement. Bitter that she lives in a beautiful house on beautiful land and doesn’t have to work at all. Bitter that the husband she cheated on for the almost-year that I knew her gives her everything she wants. When she bitched to me about her husband and how he couldn’t do anything right, I simply asked, “Why don’t you get divorced? You don’t have kids, you hate him, and you’ve been cheating on him for almost a year.” She looked at me like I was an alien and said, “I’ve never been on my own.” I believe at the time I told her she should try it, that being on your own can be a pretty liberating experience.

In retrospect, I look pretty f-ing stupid.

But the more I thought about it, I realized I shouldn’t be bitter or nasty. Because if I had her life presented to me, I wouldn’t take it. You might be saying, “Oh, sure, that’s easy to say!” But no, I could have had it. Or one like it. And when faced with that decision, I knew the last thing I wanted was to pretend to love someone I couldn’t stand just so I could be a “princess.”

And that’s what really got me thinking: I don’t understand these people who can use others for their money for years and years, because I have a hard enough time being nice to people I actually like.

Light bulb time. I’m just going to come out and say it: I’ve been used a lot. I make it easy for people; I have a generous personality and gifts, etc. are how I express affection or friendship. Sometimes I send things to people I barely know, just in the hopes it’ll brighten their day. A good friend of mine jokingly diagnosed me with HPS – Helping People Syndrome. But enjoying helping people doesn’t mean I enjoy being used. I consider myself a relatively smart person so I struggle trying to understand how I can be duped so often. My princess friend unknowingly helped me realize that I don’t recognize when it’s happening because I can’t relate to it. I can’t imagine living that way, thinking that way. Therefore I can’t imagine that anyone I would keep company with would think that way either.

Unfortunately, looking back and looking around, the people I “keep company” with…all think that way. That’s how they all were drawn to me.

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2 thoughts on “My Worst Post So Far

  1. I have a similar problem. THE WIFE will not let me carry cash because I will just give it away to any doofus who has a sob story. I am a TERRIBLE judge of people, so I just naturally assume they think the same way I do and take what they tell me at face value.

    That’s part of the reason I am kind of glad I haven’t met anyone I am friends with on Twitter. I really care about a lot of the people like you Justin, Jen and MK and too many more to mention. I hate to think that I will screw up our friendship because I am a doofus when it comes to human interaction.

    A kind heart is a great thing and you are motivated by it and nothing else. I’m sorry that people are jerks and I will happily bury them in an open plot in a trailer park if they hurt you. (OK, not really but I might pee in their Mountain Dew.)

    Just keep in mind I am one friend who loves you for your friendship and that is all I need.

    Sincerely,
    Tots

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