So most of you know I’ve been really struggling with my business. As a result, I’ve been trying to figure out what to do. And I’m lost.
Being “lost” is a new sensation for me. I always know what I want. I’ve always had an idea of what to do. All my life I’ve had pretty good instincts and gladly followed them. In my baby book, it says in my mom’s handwriting, “Two days old. She’s definitely a girl who knows what she wants.” For Christmas a couple years ago, a friend bought me a sweatshirt with the quote, “I Am The Decider.”
But somewhere along the line, my instincts vanished. I have no idea what to do. I don’t know what I want. I just know what I don’t want to do. In response to my whining, people have offered suggestions, which I continue to shoot down. I like the state I live in, I don’t really want to move. I don’t want to work for other people. And even if I did move and work for other people, they aren’t willing to pay me enough.
To my own ears these sound like childish excuses and expectations. I want to tell myself to shut up if I’m going to immediately discount other people’s ideas. I guess I’m just…waiting. Waiting for something to point me in the right direction. Waiting for the sign that gives me that gut feeling green-light. It’s not that I’m afraid of taking risks-goodness knows, I’ve made plenty of decisions in the past that people thought I was crazy for…but I knew at the time it was the right thing. Now people are presenting ideas that sound logical, but they all feel like the wrong thing.
So I guess the question is, how long can I wait for the right thing? When do I give up? (Alright, so that was actually two questions.)