Lesson Four: There is nothing more depressing than a children’s movie about happiness

I realized last night that I made a mistake in an earlier post. The first anime movie I ever watched was not Vampire Hunter D. It was Unico. Ah, Unico…the reason my brother claims he and I are so f*cked up. I said, “What the heck is the lesson in Unico? Is it that it’s worth making friends, even if you’ll only have them a short time? That sounds hokey. Is it to never trust a guy who can turn people into wooden puppets? To never give your horn to the son of the devil, no matter how much he asks? Never go with a creepy vampire-looking guy or he’ll slip a roofie into your drink? That the gods resent those who are happy and will do everything they can to make them miserable? What is the lesson?!”

Brother pondered it a bit and said, “I think Unico is just full of lessons. The basic one being: there is nothing more depressing than a children’s show about happiness.”

Admittedly, it’s been a while since I’ve watched either Unico movie. I debated watching them again before this post to make sure I had my facts straight but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I used to have nightmares about Beezel stealing Unico’s horn, nightmares about my family getting turned into puppets by Toby and Karuku. Not to mention I always always always get Katy’s song stuck in my head for at least a week. You know the one. “My ribbon’s red, my whiskers long, my paws as white as snow…and every day, I sing this song, no matter where I go…I’m a cat!” Yeah, that song.

So due to my generally fuzzy memory, I might have messed up in my Unico recall. But please understand it was either that or have nightmares and Katy’s song in my head for the next week.


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