The Greatest Gift of All

…is piles of anime and manga.

Just kidding. That’s not what this post is about.

Like many other people right now, I’m broke. I shouldn’t be spending money on anything but necessities. I’ve really been trying to be good and financially responsible and all that boring grown-up stuff. But as Christmas crept closer, I gave in. I said, “Screw it!” and pulled the last bit out of my savings to pay down my credit card down enough that I could buy nice presents for my family.

I won’t lie; I love presents. But Christmas for me isn’t about what presents are under the tree with my name on them. The best present I “get” is watching people open something I bought them, watching their faces light up as they realize they’re unwrapping something they wanted but never thought they’d get.

In years past, I spent about $200 a year sending presents to my girlfriends. Little lip gloss sets from Sephora, Victoria’s Secret $25 or $30 gift cards, Amazon gift cards, whatever. Just something cute and (relatively) inexpensive to brighten their holidays. Since a) they never reciprocate; b) we don’t really stay in touch; and c) I’m broke, I figured it made sense to skip the girlfriend presents this year.

Instead, I sent a gift card to a stuffed rabbit and a cat.

You heard me.

The gift cards weren’t for any large sum of money (though the rabbit was able to buy a sweet Harley with it) but that bunny and cat were more excited, appreciative, and wonderful than my human “girlfriends” have ever been. Their exuberance at my gifts was overwhelming and ultimately a better gift to me than I could have ever imagined.

Lesson 15: Love Is…

The other day a friend of mine tweeted: “#loveis wanting to watch every movie you’ve ever seen, again, just to see if it’s different when watching with someone you love.”

Being a cynical bitch, I immediately mocked her for this. Nicely. Well, I meant to do it nicely.  But then I had to wonder, is that really what love is? Thankfully before I hurt my brain, “Wallflower” volume 21 arrived and gave me the answer.

The other three boys keep telling Kyohei that he is in love with Sunako. Kyohei has never been in love before so he doesn’t know if he is or isn’t and the thought that he might be in love with Sunako of all people really bothers him. He’s so troubled by this that he goes and meditates, trying to find the answer. In his meditation he pictures Sunako standing before him with a plate of her special fried shrimp. He realizes then that he must love Sunako, right?

He returns home and indeed, Sunako is standing there with a plate of fried shrimp.  As Kyohei is about to profess his love for Sunako, she shoves a fried shrimp in his mouth and all becomes clear to him: “Wait a sec-what I really wanted was the fried shrimp…I’ve been hearing so much about love and romance that I misunderstood my own feelings!”

I could get deep with this one and suggest that love is an illusion and that it’s not how we feel about/for another person, but rather how other people make us feel. But instead of getting all heavy with the topic, I’m just going to say:

Love is fried shrimp.

Yep, it’s that simple.

Quote of the Day

My lord, we look at you

as we might look at

a Peacock.

You are framed by something sublime

similar to

hope, worship and fear.

-Bleach vol. 28

Detour: You Are What You Watch

I have a confession to make:

“The Last Unicorn” is one of my favorite movies ever.

I know the entire movie by heart. I thought perhaps my memory might have faded after not watching it for a couple years, but for some reason I watched it today and nope, it’s all still in my brain. As I was watching it, I thought of how I used to watch this movie over and over when I was little. For a moment I jokingly thought to myself that perhaps it’s the root cause of why I’m addicted to Red Bull Energy Drink. But then I started thinking about how that movie ends (spoiler alert!)…she doesn’t stay with the prince and live happily ever after-she turns back into a unicorn, which to my 5-year-old self, sounded way more happily ever after at the time.

The more I thought about it, I realized that while other girls were watching Disney movies and their princesses were being rescued by princes, I was watching unicorns save the prince, and princesses save themselves. I loved She-Ra so much that as an adult I requested the entire series on dvd for Christmas a couple years ago.  Other girls want to be princess-woken-with-a-kiss, I wanted to be Princess of Power, saving everyone with my awesome sword and big hips.

I guess I should have known my brain worked differently when my elementary school friends and I played Barbies; their barbies had babies with plastic-haired Ken while mine dated a G.I. Joe because of his hot scars and realistic miniaturized weaponry.

What am I getting at with all this? Am I trying to argue that Disney is evil and that my friend who had a husband and a boyfriend and had never been on her own ever in her life made absolute sense to me once I found out she was obsessed with Disney and always talked about being “treated like a princess”? Am I trying to justify that I’m single and will be forever because I don’t need a man to justify my existence? Am I trying to convince you that I’m in fact not a lesbian, not that there’s anything wrong with that?

No, I’m not saying any of that. I’m just saying that I watched awesome cartoons when I was little and as a result, I think I’m a more awesome person for it.

Detour: What Do You Do When You Don’t Want To Do Anything?

So most of you know I’ve been really struggling with my business. As a result, I’ve been trying to figure out what to do. And I’m lost.

Being “lost” is a new sensation for me. I always know what I want. I’ve always had an idea of what to do. All my life I’ve had pretty good instincts and gladly followed them. In my baby book, it says in my mom’s handwriting, “Two days old. She’s definitely a girl who knows what she wants.” For Christmas a couple years ago, a friend bought me a sweatshirt with the quote, “I Am The Decider.”

But somewhere along the line, my instincts vanished. I have no idea what to do. I don’t know what I want. I just know what I don’t want to do. In response to my whining, people have offered suggestions, which I continue to shoot down. I like the state I live in, I don’t really want to move. I don’t want to work for other people. And even if I did move and work for other people, they aren’t willing to pay me enough.

To my own ears these sound like childish excuses and expectations. I want to tell myself to shut up if I’m going to immediately discount other people’s ideas. I guess I’m just…waiting.  Waiting for something to point me in the right direction.  Waiting for the sign that gives me that gut feeling green-light. It’s not that I’m afraid of taking risks-goodness knows, I’ve made plenty of decisions in the past that people thought I was crazy for…but I knew at the time it was the right thing. Now people are presenting ideas that sound logical, but they all feel like the wrong thing.

So I guess the question is, how long can I wait for the right thing? When do I give up? (Alright, so that was actually two questions.)

Question: What Would You Do For Revenge?

As you may have guessed by my previous post, I’ve been watching “Hell Girl” lately. It’s such a creepy anime but I have to admit I’m completely fascinated.

What intrigues me most is the bargain. If I had to go to hell as payment for sending someone else to hell, I wouldn’t do it. Call me judgmental but I assume the people I think should go to hell will end up there eventually with no interference on my part. And I think most of my peers feel the same way: it wouldn’t be worth giving up the joys of heaven just to send someone to hell now.  I’ll suffer through putting up with them during this lifetime, as painful as it may be, rather than putting up with hell forever.

So are we half-assed in our revenge? Are we selfish? Is it a cultural thing? Are the Japanese just more thorough in their revenge and willing to do whatever it takes to make sure it’s done properly? What would someone have to do to make me gladly spend eternity in hell to get back at them? Am I presumptuous to think I would get into heaven so I really have nothing to lose by trading my soul for vengeance?

I really want to hear your thoughts on this…

Lesson 14.5:

…and if people refuse to see the error of their ways, well, there’s always Hell Girl.

“Your grievance shall be avenged.”

Lesson 14: Redemption

One of the things I’ve noticed in anime and manga is the theme of redemption.  I’ve been watching “Ruroni Kenshin” lately and the entire series is about people trying to live their lives in a way to do penance for their sins. They’ve changed the way they live their lives so that they are better people in the hopes of somehow offsetting the evils in their pasts.

I thought this was post-worthy because this prompted me to think about all of the people out there–people we know personally and celebrities–who say they are sorry and ask our forgiveness.

What I have noticed is that so many people think that “being forgiven” is enough. That even apologizing is enough. And they go on to make the same mistakes/decisions time after time and expect to be forgiven just by uttering an apology.  To me, being sorry means you will do your best to be a better person so that you won’t have to apologize for making the same mistake or committing the same transgression.

But the beautiful thing is that although there are many people out there who say, “I’m sorry” without a care for what it means and no intention of changing their ways, redemption is available to everyone. It’s never too late to try to be a better person.

AniWednesday 7/1: Berserk

I had a rough morning and got pretty depressed so I was trying to come up with the most depressing anime to match my mood…and chose “Berserk.”

Spoiler alert: Dude’s best friend sacrifices all of their friends in their gang in exchange for a chance to be king and the betrayer rapes dude’s girlfriend.  And dude loses an eye in the process.

So watch “Berserk.”  It’ll make your life seem much better by comparison.

Manga Monday 6/29: Hellsing

Hellsing, Hellsing, Hellsing.  I actually saw the anime (the first one and Ultimate) before I started reading the manga.  But I needed more and with Geneon collapsing I figured more via Ultimate was going to take a while.

I really can’t say enough about this manga. I love the art, both the fine stuff and the comical stuff.  I love the graphic violence.  I love Alucard.  Sir Integra is everything I want to be.  I love Seras Victoria’s huge ass guns.

This manga is about vampires, violence, and Nazis.  Maybe it’s about other stuff too, but it’s so mind-blowing that I wouldn’t know.

And it was totally unintentional but I realize that second paragraph reads eerily like Major’s “I love war” speech.  Scary…but awesome.